Before You Meet
Video call before you meet in person
A 10-minute video call before a first date accomplishes two things: it confirms they look like their photos (catfishing still happens in 2026), and it gives you a gut-check on their demeanor before you're physically present. You don't need a reason to request a video call — "I always do this before meeting someone for the first time" is reason enough. Anyone who objects to or refuses a video call is telling you something.
Do a basic background check
Google their full name. Search their photos on Google Images or TinEye (reverse image search) to confirm they're using real photos. Look them up on LinkedIn if they mentioned where they work. Check Instagram if they gave you a handle. You're not investigating — you're confirming the basic facts they've told you are consistent. A person who exists in no corner of the internet is worth questioning.
Tell someone where you're going and with whom
Before you leave: tell a friend or family member the person's full name, where you're meeting (specific restaurant or bar name), your approximate plan ("we're getting drinks, I should be back by 11"), and how they reached you (Hinge, Tinder, etc.). This information is all that emergency services or concerned friends would need if something went wrong. Send a screenshot of the person's profile to this person.
Share your live location with a trusted person
iPhone: Messages → someone you trust → tap their name → Share My Location. Google Maps: sharing → share location → choose contact and duration. You don't have to tell your date you're doing this. A trusted person who can see where you are at all times is the simplest, most powerful safety net for any situation where things go wrong.
During the Date
Meet in a public place — always, for a first meeting
A restaurant, bar, coffee shop, park, or any place with other people around. Not their home, not your home, not a remote or isolated location. This isn't about assuming the worst — it's about appropriate caution for meeting a stranger. Most people understand and respect this. Someone who pushes back on meeting in public on a first date is telling you something important.
Drive yourself or take your own rideshare
Don't accept a ride from someone you haven't met yet. Don't be in a situation where you need them to drive you home. Taking your own car or rideshare means you can leave whenever you want, you don't share your home address via car navigation, and you're not dependent on them for anything. Plan your exit before you arrive — know how you're getting home.
Order your own drink — receive it from the bartender
Order at the bar or directly from the server. Don't accept a pre-poured drink handed to you. Don't leave your drink unattended. If you step away and your drink was out of your sight, order a new one. Drug-facilitated assault statistics make this a reasonable habit regardless of how trustworthy your date seems.
Trust your gut — leave if it feels wrong
If something feels off — their behavior, pressure tactics, inconsistent stories, discomfort you can't put your finger on — you're allowed to leave. You don't owe anyone your company. "I have to go, sorry" is complete. Have a pre-arranged out ready if you want one: ask a friend to text/call you 30 minutes in with a fake emergency you can use if needed. Most dating app communities have documented "safe call" protocols exactly for this.
Don't share your home address until you trust them
Your full address is information a bad actor can use for stalking or showing up uninvited. For the first several dates: use the general neighborhood rather than a street address, meet near — not at — your home, and order rideshares from a corner rather than your door. Once you've developed genuine trust, this becomes less relevant. But trust is earned over time, not assumed.
After the Date: Check In
When you get home, text the person you told your plans to: "I'm home, all good." This closes the loop. If you have a location-sharing arrangement with them, you can end the share at that point.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it offensive to tell someone I'm doing a background check before meeting them?
No. You don't have to tell them at all — a casual Google search is standard practice. If the topic comes up, saying 'I always confirm some basics before meeting someone for the first time' is completely reasonable. Anyone who's offended by basic caution is giving you information about how they handle being held accountable.
We've been talking for months online and I feel like I know them. Do these rules still apply?
Yes. Long online relationships can feel deeply connected — but you actually have no way to verify most of what you've been told. 'Romance scammers' typically invest months of warm conversation before the relationship becomes problematic. The duration of online communication doesn't substitute for meeting in person with normal caution. If they're genuinely who they say they are, they won't mind meeting publicly and independently.
What if I'm a man? Do these apply?
Yes — with some adjustment. Men are statistically less likely to be victimized in dating contexts than women, but financial scams, assault, robbery, and manipulation don't discriminate. The core habits (meet in public, tell someone your plans, trust your instincts) apply regardless of gender.