Create a safety plan — even if you're not ready to leave
A safety plan is a personalized guide to protecting yourself. It identifies warning signs of escalating violence, safe places to go, who to call, and what to take if you need to leave quickly. The National DV Hotline advocates will help you create one specific to your situation: call 1-800-799-7233 or chat at thehotline.org. You don't need to be ready to leave to start planning.
Know the warning signs of escalation
Increased frequency or severity of violence, threats to kill, threats involving weapons, threats to children or pets, increasing isolation from friends and family, and substance use escalation are all indicators that risk is growing. The Danger Assessment tool (dangerassessment.org), developed by Johns Hopkins researcher Jacquelyn Campbell, is a validated lethality risk assessment tool — available free online.
Prepare a go-bag in a safe location
Keep essential documents and supplies where you can access them quickly. Include: ID (driver's license, passport), birth certificates and Social Security cards for you and children, medications (few-day supply), phone charger and cash, a change of clothes, and important financial documents. Store at a trusted friend's home, at work, or in a locker — somewhere your abuser won't find it.
Identify safe people and places
Think through: Who can you call at any hour? Who can you go to without your abuser following? Which neighbors could call police if they heard a disturbance? What is the address of your nearest domestic violence shelter (find at thehotline.org or domesticshelters.org)? Domestic violence shelters are confidential — your location is not disclosed to your abuser. Many accept children and pets.
Protect your devices and communications
Abusers often monitor phones, emails, and location. Use a private browsing window when researching help (clear history afterward, or use a friend's device). Create a new private email account on a device your abuser doesn't access. Check your phone for tracking apps — the Coalition Against Stalkerware (stopstalkerware.org) provides a free guide. The thehotline.org website has a "Quick escape" button that instantly takes you to a neutral page.
Understand legal protections available to you
Protective orders (restraining orders) are available in all 50 states. Emergency protective orders can be issued by police at the scene of a domestic incident. Contact your local courthouse or legal aid organization for help filing — many legal aid offices handle DV cases at no cost. The DOJ Office on Violence Against Women maintains legal resources by state at ovw.usdoj.gov.
Financial safety planning
Economic abuse is present in the vast majority of domestic violence cases according to the National Network to End Domestic Violence. Begin: open a separate bank account in your name only at a different bank. Obtain copies of recent tax returns and financial records. Document any assets you're entitled to. The National DV Hotline's financial safety guide is at thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/financial-safety.
Key Resources
- National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (24/7)
- Text: "START" to 88788
- Chat: thehotline.org
- Find local shelters: domesticshelters.org
- Legal aid by state: lawhelp.org
- Danger assessment tool: dangerassessment.org
- Stalkerware help: stopstalkerware.org
If Children Are Involved
- Teach children a safety plan — a safe place to go and a trusted number to call
- Do not put children in the middle or use them as messengers
- Emergency custody orders are available alongside protective orders
- Document any abuse of or in front of children — relevant to custody proceedings
- Child Protective Services can be an ally, not an adversary, in DV situations
Frequently Asked Questions
What if I'm not sure what's happening qualifies as domestic violence?
Domestic violence includes physical violence, sexual abuse, emotional/psychological abuse, financial control, and stalking. If your partner's behavior makes you feel afraid, controlled, or like you're walking on eggshells, speaking with a hotline advocate can help you understand your situation. The call is free, confidential, and judgment-free.
Will calling the police make things worse?
This is a real concern many survivors have, and it's valid. The National DV Hotline can help you think through whether police involvement makes sense for your specific situation, including concerns about immigration status or prior experiences with police. In immediate danger situations, 911 is the fastest safety resource.
I'm worried about losing my home if I leave. What are my options?
Many jurisdictions allow courts to order the abuser out of the shared home even if they're on the lease or mortgage — ask a legal aid attorney or DV advocate about this option. Shelters provide temporary housing while you pursue legal remedies. Emergency rental assistance may be available through local social services. The DV Hotline has housing resources by state.