Romance Scams: How to Spot and Avoid Them

What Is a Romance Scam?

A romance scam is a type of fraud in which a criminal adopts a fake online identity to gain a victim's trust and affection, then uses that emotional connection to manipulate the victim into sending money. These scams typically play out over weeks or months on dating apps, social media platforms, and even online games or forums.

The scale is staggering. The FTC reports that romance scams are among the costliest forms of imposter fraud, with reported losses exceeding $1.14 billion in 2023 alone (peaking at $1.3 billion in 2021-2022). The FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) consistently ranks romance fraud among the top internet crimes by dollar amount. AARP estimates that the true losses are far higher, as shame and embarrassment prevent many victims from ever reporting.

Romance scams affect people of every age, gender, income level, and education background. There is no profile of a "typical victim" — these scams succeed because they exploit universal human needs for connection, love, and companionship.

How Romance Scams Work

Romance scammers follow a well-documented playbook. Understanding these stages makes it much easier to recognize a scam in progress.

Profile Creation

The scammer creates an attractive fake profile using stolen photos — often from social media accounts of real people, stock photography, or AI-generated images. They craft a compelling backstory: a successful professional, a military service member, a widowed parent, or a humanitarian worker. The profile is designed to seem aspirational but relatable.

Love Bombing

Once contact is established, the scammer moves quickly. They flood the victim with compliments, affection, and attention. They text constantly, share personal "stories," and express deep feelings within days or weeks. This intensity is deliberate — it creates a sense of emotional dependency before the victim has had time to think critically about the relationship.

Building Trust

The scammer works to isolate the relationship from outside scrutiny. They may suggest moving conversations off the dating platform to a private messaging app. They share fabricated personal details, "vulnerabilities," and future plans to deepen the bond. They may send small gifts or tokens to make the relationship feel reciprocal.

The Ask

Once trust is established, the scammer introduces a crisis: a medical emergency, a business problem, a travel issue, or a legal situation. They ask the victim for money — framing it as temporary, urgent, and essential. The request often comes with a promise of repayment or a future meeting.

Escalation

If the victim sends money, the requests continue and grow larger. New emergencies arise. The scammer may introduce accomplices posing as doctors, lawyers, or customs officials to add credibility. Some scammers run the scheme for years, extracting hundreds of thousands of dollars from a single victim.

Red Flags of a Romance Scam

No single red flag is proof of a scam, but multiple signs together should raise serious concern. The FTC and FBI IC3 identify these as the most common warning signs.

• They refuse to video chat or meet in person. Every excuse — broken camera, poor internet, military restrictions — serves to prevent you from seeing that they are not who they claim to be.
• They claim to be in the military, working overseas, or on an oil rig. These scenarios conveniently explain why they cannot meet and why they might need money for travel, emergencies, or leave paperwork.
• They ask for money — especially via wire transfer, cryptocurrency, or gift cards. These payment methods are virtually untraceable. No legitimate romantic partner asks you to buy Google Play cards to pay for their plane ticket.
• The relationship moves too fast. Declarations of love within days, talk of marriage within weeks, and plans to spend your lives together before you have ever met are manipulation tactics, not romance.
• Their photos look too perfect. Professional-quality photos, model-like appearances, and images that never include friends, family, or casual settings are signs of stolen or AI-generated images.
• Their story has inconsistencies. Details change between conversations. Their accent does not match their claimed nationality. Their schedule does not align with their supposed profession.
• They discourage you from telling friends or family. Isolation is a deliberate tactic. A real partner would welcome your loved ones' involvement.

Common Romance Scam Scenarios

The FBI IC3 and AARP Fraud Watch Network have documented several recurring romance scam formats that account for the majority of reported cases.

The Military Romance

The scammer claims to be a deployed service member — often a U.S. Army officer or Navy officer stationed overseas. They explain that military regulations prevent video calls and that they need money for leave paperwork, satellite phone access, or travel home. The U.S. military does not charge service members for leave, communication, or travel orders. The Army Criminal Investigation Division (CID) maintains an active warning page about this specific scam.

The Crypto Investment Scam

Sometimes called "pig butchering," this variant combines romance fraud with investment fraud. The scammer builds a romantic connection, then introduces a "lucrative" cryptocurrency investment opportunity. They guide the victim to a fake trading platform that shows fabricated returns. The victim deposits more and more money, believing their investment is growing, until the platform disappears. The FBI IC3 reported a sharp increase in these hybrid scams starting in 2022.

The Medical Emergency

After weeks of building a relationship, the scammer or their "child" falls seriously ill. They need money for surgery, medication, or hospital bills. The urgency and emotional weight of a medical crisis override critical thinking. Accomplices may pose as doctors or hospital administrators.

Travel to Meet You

The scammer expresses excitement about finally meeting in person. They book a trip — then encounter a last-minute problem: their wallet was stolen, their flight was cancelled, they need money for a visa. The victim, eager for the meeting to happen, sends money. The trip never materializes, and a new obstacle always appears.

How to Verify Someone You Met Online

Verification is your most powerful tool against romance scams. Scammers rely on you not checking.

• Reverse image search their photos. Upload their profile photos to Google Images, TinEye, or a specialized service like Social Catfish. If the photos appear on other profiles under different names, or belong to a public figure, you are dealing with a fake identity.
• Insist on a live video call. Not a pre-recorded video. A real-time video call where you can ask them to wave, hold up a specific number of fingers, or respond to spontaneous questions. If they refuse repeatedly, that is your answer.
• Cross-check their social media. Search for them on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and other platforms. A genuine person typically has a consistent, established online presence with years of posts, tagged photos with friends and family, and verifiable connections. A scammer's social media is thin, recently created, or nonexistent.
• Search their name and details. Google their full name along with their claimed profession, employer, and city. Check professional licensing databases if they claim to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer. Verify military service through official channels — not through documents they provide.
• Ask detailed questions. Someone living in a city they claim to live in should know local landmarks, restaurants, weather patterns, and current events. Ask specific questions and note whether the answers are vague or inconsistent.

What to Do If You Have Been Scammed

If you realize you have been the target of a romance scam, take these steps immediately. Acting quickly can limit your financial losses and help protect others.

• Stop all contact. Block the scammer on every platform. Do not respond to follow-up messages, threats, or emotional pleas. Scammers often try to re-engage victims by expressing hurt, making threats, or inventing new emergencies.
• Report to the FTC. File a complaint at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. The FTC uses these reports to identify scam networks and issue consumer warnings.
• Report to the FBI IC3. Submit a complaint at ic3.gov. The FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center is the federal clearinghouse for internet fraud and coordinates investigations with domestic and international law enforcement.
• Contact your bank or financial institution. If you sent money via wire transfer, contact the sending institution immediately to request a recall. If you paid by credit card, file a fraud dispute. Report any compromised account numbers and request new cards or account numbers as needed.
• Report on the dating platform. Every major dating app and social media platform has a reporting mechanism for fake profiles and scam activity. Your report helps get the scammer's profile removed and protects other users.
• Monitor your identity. If you shared personal information — your full name, date of birth, address, Social Security number, or copies of identification — enroll in an identity theft protection service like Aura. These services monitor your credit, financial accounts, and personal data for signs of misuse and can alert you to fraudulent accounts opened in your name.
• Seek emotional support. Romance scam victims experience real grief — the loss of a relationship they believed was genuine. The emotional impact can be as devastating as the financial loss. AARP's Fraud Watch Network helpline (877-908-3360) offers free support. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) can also provide guidance if the scam involved coercive or controlling dynamics. Consider speaking with a therapist who specializes in fraud recovery or trauma.

Do not let shame prevent you from reporting or seeking help. Romance scams are sophisticated criminal operations, and falling victim to one is not a sign of weakness or naivety.

Protecting Vulnerable Family Members

Romance scams disproportionately target older adults, recently widowed individuals, and people going through major life transitions like divorce or retirement. AARP reports that adults over 60 lose more money per incident than any other age group in romance fraud.

• Start the conversation early. Talk to parents, grandparents, and older relatives about romance scams before they encounter one. Frame it as awareness, not a warning — no one responds well to being told they are vulnerable.
• Show real examples. The FTC's consumer advice website and AARP's Fraud Watch Network both publish real romance scam case studies with identifying details removed. Real stories are more persuasive than abstract warnings.
• Help them set up verification tools. Show them how to do a reverse image search. Set up Google Images or Social Catfish on their phone or computer. Walk them through a video call so they are comfortable insisting on one.
• Create a family check-in protocol. Agree that before anyone in the family sends money to someone they have met online but never met in person, they will discuss it with at least one other family member. This is not about control — it is about having a second set of eyes when emotions are running high.
• Consider identity monitoring. An identity theft protection service can provide an additional safety net by alerting family members to unusual financial activity, new accounts opened in a loved one's name, or changes to their credit profile.
• Avoid judgment if it happens. If a family member does fall victim, respond with compassion, not blame. Help them report the scam, secure their accounts, and access emotional support. Shame and judgment only discourage victims from coming forward and getting help.